random...

i sat down with the intent to blog and then nothing came to mind.

whisper darling is this love...

my days off seem to be more work than an actual day off lately. new york was fun and yes a vacation, of sorts, but exhausting; then i was sick but played catch up life stuff eg. laundry, shopping, extra work, birthdays and friends. This weekend seems to be panning out the same. Don't get me wrong, all of the events occurring have been and i'm sure will continue to be fun but i would give anything for a day of nothing to do but go for a run and read a book.

sunday night is the forecast fashion show. some of my favorite local designers will be there and i can't wait to see what they've been doing. mothlove has been working on some great stuff and my favorite portland lingerie boutique lille will be there. if you live here and haven't checked them out you are missing out. if you don't live here, go to their website and peruse their inventory. they have tons of designers including hoff by hoff, which you can't get anywhere else in the united states!!! i lust after lille's gorgeous french lace and the cotton panties they have are to die for soft. i digress. yay fashion show!

my three favorites currently at lille...


wild west bralette by the lake and stars (one of my favorites right now...hint hint)


overtone bra by wundervoll


petra cami by araks

Antheraea Polyphemus Legging from mothlove

Agapema Galbina Belt from mothlove

monday night is portland's taste of the nation. part fundraiser, part food and beverage extravaganza, this is the first year that taste of the nation is including spirits. i along with three other bartenders have been chosen to demonstrate the making of a cocktail. this freaks me out a little. not because i have to stand on a stage with a wireless microphone and address a crowd, or because i have to teach people how to do something. it gets to me because the other bartenders i'm doing this with are so excited...this event, to them, means that they have achieved some sort of elevated status within the service industry. these are 'mixologists' not just bartenders. this is something wonderful in their career. career. a career bartender. the thing i've been fighting against since i started working in this business.
i suppose i should embrace it. this kind of work has afforded me an easy life. i can take time off, travel, have my days free, etc...it fits quite nicely with the lifestyle i like.

tuesday is the guerrilla girls lecture at PSU. if you're not going you should. smart chicks in gorilla masks talking about feminism and art should never be missed.

too much...

funny how certain things ring true only in certain moments.


Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down, down, down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

don't forget your meds...

swollen glands...virus.
had an interesting interaction with the doctor this morning. she noticed the jeffrey sachs book in my bag and we began talking about poverty and medical care. i have recently found myself uninsured now that i'm officially out of school, i work about 70 hours per week currently but not at a job that provides me health care. this of course got me thinking that about how i am a contributing member of society, i work, i am educated, i take care of myself, don't smoke etc... but i have to suffer financially whenever my health is compromised. just seems silly i suppose.
or, perhaps, that is just why i shouldn't be covered. if i take care of my health and see the doctor once or twice a year that costs me, potentially, and my employer less money in the long run. that is unless something catastrophic happens.

been feeling unusually uncomfortable lately. feeling a little lost again. torn in many directions. unsatisfied and thirsty. then i remembered that i haven't taken those little blue and white capsules since being back from nyc and then i know that i'm still an emotional mess that requires a little extra help...just a little hand holding.

this week is...

chaos theory...


make music...

round and round...

back to nyc at the end of may. couldn't come more quickly.
this time with jess and her boy brian (yay! it's brian's debut!).








maybe next time i'll take more than a dozen photos. maybe.

home again...

back from nyc. it was so good to see those friends that i did. even more so to see them all together over delicious glasses of wine and tasty food. i do regret missing out on the cindy sherman movie my last day there but the most interesting things happen in that city and i found myself opening my eyes to mid-afternoon sunshine on the upper west side. too late to see the movie but far to comfortable to move.


memorable:
knudi
banana toffee torte
the dining room at buddakhan
oysters and white wine in the afternoon
tom petty
freaks and geeks at 2am

i met amazing people here and there. i've never experienced the negative social interactions that so many people have told me about. maybe it's luck, but meeting people seems so much easier there than portland. above and beyond the ease is the content of conversations i had with people. a sort of superficial in depth, i want to get to know you as quickly as possible, and not what your favorite actress is, but where your family is, what do you love, politics, society and art. i feel like i got the woman from jordan i met outside a restaurant better than some of my closest friends here i've known for years.


on a totally different note, a friend sent me a link to the political compass today to see where my thoughts sit on their little graph. although they've got some pretty thoughtful questions on their questionnaire, some were a bit vague. what can you expect from an online 'test' to determine your political view? i do like their ideas behind combining the social and economic aspect of politics. here's what my little graph ended up looking like:



i wonder what my dad will think of this? papa?

training...

i haven't accomplished much on my to do list. i did, finally, get my laundry put away...yesterday. now i already have another basket that just can't seem to find the time to do. i also made a serious commitment in being able to check off the get fit part. i started working with a trainer i've previously seen. i had been contemplating whether or not i wanted to use a trainer to achieve my goals or if i wanted to train myself. i decided to go with a trainer for multiple reasons: working out is more fun with two people, my lack of will power concerning some things isn't strong enough, i want to exercise efficiently and properly, i need someone to push me, motivate me and hold me accountable. i can only do so much of those things myself, and i'll be the first to say i can find someway to justify just about anything to myself. so when it comes to eating those french fries at 12am...somehow, someway i figure out a way for it to be okay.

man, now i'm hungry.

for french fries.

i finally finish two of the pieces i've been working on.








woo hoo!

to do...

the most important things on my to do lists...

sew something
paint something
send dee and harvest a letter
put away laundry
get fit
be nice to josh

no likey...

for those of you who can't decide on wearing bikini bottoms or actual pants.







these are for real by the way. apparently a big hit in japan. you can get them for around $100 US. i swear...if i see somebody wearing these...well i'm trying to be nicer and more forgiving, open and loving these days, which means that i just don't know what i'll do...i could murder or hug depending on the day.