Saturday, October 31, 2009

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

you can bump and scrape all the way through...

i'll never say that i'll never love but i don't say a lot of things and you, my love, are gone.



Monday, October 26, 2009

there's something i've been meaning to tell you...

listen, just for a few minutes.

take a few deep breaths [even if you don't want to breathe anymore]. listen to the pitter-patter of your heart beating in your ears and feel your pulse racing. taste the silence of the world; see the anxiety take over you.

close your eyes and look at the black. look at the black until you see something worth holding onto inside of yourself. wait until breathing doesn't feel like a losing game and then open your eyes,

and listen.

.

look, you

are wonderful. you remind me of a lullaby in winter, sung like a secret not meant for anyone to know; but it's a shame, because you're one of the most beautiful songs.

maybe you're fireworks that sparkle and light up the july sky - but unlike fireworks, you'll keep glowing into forever.

or maybe you’re just you, and that’s more than enough.

i know there's magic in the world.
[you're proof.]

.

i'd give you a rainbow if it erased the gray days; i'd give you a mirror if it made you see how wonderful you really are.

i'd drain the oceans if it would erase your fear, and i'd package hope and paint smiley faces on the trees if it'd make you smile. i'd send you a nightlight if it would do away with all the monsters and nightmares. i'd free fall with you if it made you feel less alone.

[and at the end of the fall, we could lay on the ground and wish just to be wishing, hope just to be hoping,
and at the end of it all, i'd offer you my hand to help you up.]

.

sometimes, i think of myself as an empty house, standing alone and hiding behind lies no one bothers to look past. locked windows and doors are meant to keep the world away,

but hey:
if i only had one key,

i'd give it to you.

.

listen:

i believe [in] you.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

keep polishing your golden trophies...

mama is coming over tomorrow morning. i finally got to my pile of laundry, it seemed like it would never end. exchanged jeans came in the mail today from urban outfitters but they're still too big. work week is over for the next two days which means it's time to cram in the homework. i love and hate that i am so busy right now. keeps my mind off certain things but allows time for nothing else. i can see my exhaustion on the horizon.





the faster i drive the harder i cry...





Wednesday, October 21, 2009

he was her reflection...

beautiful mirror installations by Frincisco Infante-Arana and Nonna Gorunova. more
















Tuesday, October 20, 2009

sad eyes...

















I don't like the things you don't say
Leaving it for such a long long time
Why do you show me those sad sad eyes
Each time you decide to pass on by

And when you smile those sad eyes
Look sadder and sadder still

Autumn's hue in those sad eyes
Makes me love and love them more
I'll have a bath, I'll make the dinner
And then I'll go wait for a long long time
But still you've not passed my door

And when you smile those sad eyes
Look sadder and sadder still

I can tell that you're lonely
But it seems now
There's nothing you want me to do
So I won't try to take the sadness
From those eyes that I love
Leave it open for someone else to

And when you smile those sad eyes
Look sadder and sadder still

Trying to hold it together
Keep my love as light as a feather
Sad eyes baby it's been such a long time
Keep my heart breaking in the dark
Come and spend the night

Trying to hold it together
Keep my love as light as a feather
Sad eyes baby it's been such a long time
Keep my heart breaking in the dark
Come and spend the night

Sad eyes, sad eyes, sad eyes...

-bfl

Friday, October 16, 2009

different plans, different rules...

she asked me what has been hard, and after a moment the only word i could come up with was love

fear and love
choosing life or death
it is necessary to remember that the obstacles in our path are our path


Thursday, October 15, 2009

things from the forest die here...

exhausted. learning how to live another life. everyday is different. the old routines don't exist anymore, or at least not how i have become accustomed to. but, i'm learning again, what it means to wake up alone, a cold space beside you. i'm teaching myself to appreciate drinking coffee alone in the morning, nobody to keep my feet warm. everyday is different. some days are harder than others and the pillow never seems to stay dry. i suppose we put ourselves through these types of things, subconsciously or not, in order to grow stronger, become wiser, remind ourselves what it is to feel...even when it is pain.





Wednesday, October 14, 2009

we are all the same...

instead of just posting the regular today i've decided to share my excitement about an upcoming project.
sophie lord
has coordinated a super cool worldwide photo taking effort that i get to be a part of. i'll be the last person to get the camera in america so it could take awhile but yeehaw!!!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Friday, October 9, 2009

drowning in a pool of you...




am i...

So the flood gates open but nothing comes out
I’m feeling no relief in my head, just doubt
But my heart keeps telling me ‘hold your ground.
You’ll never learn a thing if you bail out now’

And I’m lonely again tonight
I can feel it like a knot in my side
They keep saying this is part of the ride
But I’m not getting stronger.

Yet hold me against the light
And do you see any bullet inside?
Wouldn’t find one if you magnified
Because you’ve got the wrong girl

Had my fingers around the back of your chair
You’d never missed a thing but you missed me there
And I just kept thinking ‘Am I prepared
To pull it out from under your trusting stare?’

Now the house is quiet as a hollow head
And I’m walking round bumping into things you said
This has not been as easy as I thought it would
I’d be cooling down the fire if I thought I could.

And I’m lonely again tonight
I can feel it like a knot in my side
They keep saying this is part of the ride
But I’m not getting stronger.

Yet hold me against the light
And do you see any bullet inside?
Wouldn’t find it if you magnified
Because you’ve got the wrong girl

And the flood gates open but nothing comes out

Tuesday, October 6, 2009