(559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
(1-559): That depends on who this is.
all laughter today brought to you by texts from last night. here's a taste.
(310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
(520): my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
(309): We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
(484): I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
(918): i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
(765): you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
(803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
(720): i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
